STUFF THAT'S FUN & GREAT QUOTES




The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and
a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns -

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country
are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
- George Burns -

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.
- George Burns -


 

"I'm not a vegetarian - but I eat animals who are."
- Groucho Marx -

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx -

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife...
- Groucho Marx -

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx -

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
- Groucho Marx -

Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me, I want people to know "why"
I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
- Will Rogers -

If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
- Will Rogers -

If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have
anything to laugh at when you are old.
- Will Rogers -

I don't care how little your country is, you got a right to run it like you want to.
When the big nations quit meddling then the world will have peace.
- Will Rogers -

We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.
- Will Rogers -

I don't make jokes, I just watch the Government and report the facts ...
- Will Rogers -

We'll show the world we are prosperous, even if we have to go broke to do it.
- Will Rogers -

Things in our country run in spite of government. Not by aid of it!
- Will Rogers -

Now if there is one thing that we do worse than any other nation, it is try
and manage somebody else's affairs.
- Will Rogers -

Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway.

 - John Wayne-

Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much.

- John Wayne-

Republic. I like the sound of the word.
- John Wayne-

Too bad kids gotta grow up to be people.
- John Wayne-

There are some things a man just can't run away from.
- John Wayne-

The public doesn't give a damn about integrity.
A town that won't defend itself deserves no help.
- John Wayne-




A four footed friend will never let you down.
- Roy Rogers -

When you're young and you fall off a horse, you may break something.
When you're my age and you fall off, you splatter.
- Roy Rogers -

You may be on the right track, but you'll still get ran over if you just sit there.
- Roy Rogers -







Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had
ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister ... and now
wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain -

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.
The world owes you nothing.  It was here first.
- Mark Twain -

Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain -

Humor is one of mankind's greatest blessings.
- Mark Twain -

If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed,
if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.. ~
- Mark Twain -

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a
member of Congress ..  but then I repeat myself.

- Mark Twain -

 

The only difference between a tax man and a
taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

- Mark Twain -

 

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while
the legislature is in session.

~ Mark Twain

 

 

 

Government's view of the economy could be summed
up in a few short phrases:  If it moves, tax it.  If
it keeps moving, regulate it.  And if it stops moving,
subsidize it. ~ Ronald Reagan (1986)

 

The government is like a baby's alimentary canal,
with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility
at the other. ~ Ronald Reagan

 

When I think of death, I only regret that I will not be able to see this beautiful
country anymore ... unless the Indians are right and my spirit
will walk here after I'm gone.
- Georgia O'Keeffe -

All the earth colors of the painter's palette are out there in the many miles of badlands ...
- Georgia O'Keeffe -

It's my private mountain, It belongs to me. God told me if I painted it enough, I could have it.
- Georgia O'Keeffe -




My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.
Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante -

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
- Jimmy Durante -

Be nice to people on your way up because you may
meet them on your way down.
- Jimmy Durante -

The Lone Ranger Creed!
By: Fran Striker

"I believe that .....

To have a friend,
a man must be one.

That all men are created equal
and that everyone has within himself
the power to make this a better world.

That God put the firewood there
but that every man
must gather and light it himself.

In being prepared
physically, mentally, and morally
to fight when necessary
for that which is right.

That a man should make the most
of what equipment he has.

That 'This government,
of the people, by the people
and for the people'
shall live always.

That men should live by
the rule of what is best
for the greatest number.

That sooner or later...
somewhere...somehow...
we must settle with the world
and make payment for what we have taken.

That all things change but truth, and that truth alone, lives on forever. 

In my Creator, my country, my fellow man."

It doesn't matter how big a Ranch ya own, how many cows ya brand
or how much money ya make -- the size of yer Funeral is still gonna
depend on the weather.
- Unknown -

Behind every successful rancher is a wife who works in town.
- Unknown -

Doctor to patient:
I have good news and bad news.
The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
- Unknown -

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere.
- Unknown -

Cowboy Recipe

by Harvey Derrick

Start with a two-gallon mixing bowl.
-3 Cups of ground granite stone
-2 Cups of independence
-1 Cup each of integrity, reliability, humility
-1/2 Cup of kindness
-1/4 Cup of free spirit
-5 Teaspoons of humor
-3 Teaspoons of orneriness
-1 Teaspoon of sugar
-1 Pint of gin-u-wine
-1/2 Gallon of pure sweat and blood
Stir vigorously for ten minutes
Pour equal portions into a pair of western boots
Cover with a wide brimmed Stetson hat
At sunrise, place outside in open air
When the sun sets, your Cowboy will be done

© 1991 Harvey Derrick




"You only get to do things for the first time once."
 - a "Busey-ism" from actor Gary Busey -
Oscar nominee for 1978's "The Buddy Holly Story"

MORE GOOD STUFF

 

In my many years I have come to a conclusion:  that
one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and
three or more is congress.

~ John Adams

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself
into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and
trying to lift himself up by the handle.

~ Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can
always depend on the support of Paul.

~ George Bernard Shaw

Democracy must be something more than two wolves
and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.

~ James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money
from poor people in rich countries to rich people in
poor countries. ~ Douglas Casey,

Giving money and power to government is like giving
whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

~ P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction, through which
everybody endeavors to live at the expense of
everybody else. ~ Frederic Bastiat, French Economist
(1801-1850)

If you think health care is expensive now, wait
until you see what it costs when it's free!

~ P.J. O'Rourke

In general, the art of government consists of
taking as much money as possible from one party
of the citizens to give to the other.

~ Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in
politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest
in you! ~ Pericles (430 B.C.)

Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it. ~
Anonymous

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal
sharing of the blessings.  The inherent blessing of
socialism is the equal sharing of misery.

~ Winston Churchill

The ultimate result of shielding men from the
effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.

~ Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

What this country needs are more unemployed
politicians. ~ Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you
want, is strong enough to take everything you have. ~
Thomas Jefferson